We have all heard the stories from the front about those guys with the weird blue light around them. Some are just lucky. Others become larger than life. Even the enemy can't touch them as they lay waste to everything in their paths. We spoke with one of that legendary god like figures recently, at another front, about the first time he went berserk.

It was on Jewell, a month after the starport had fallen to the Zhodani. After the first Zho assault, we kept moving in front of their advancing forces, trying to make it to a fall back rendezvous. We were always just a step ahead of them. Finally, my squad was dug in on the warm side of the planet awaiting our evacuation. Just after sunrise we saw the jump capsules opening – it seemed like there were thousands of them, spread around us for miles. We had plenty of ammo to begin with, but we were a long way from any other Imperial unit and hours from our scheduled lift.

As the biggest guy in the squad I carried the LMG, as well as my ACR and two pistols. Although I was the "officer in charge", it was Allen, our Gunny Sgt. who led us. We called him "the keeper" because he kept us sane. He wouldn't let you lose it. On a pass one night I was drunk and being a nasty motherfucker, but Allen could always talk me down and so he lead me back to the base before the shore patrol arrived. And he'd say, "You got to stop all this stinking drinking. You're getting paranoid and shit, y’know."

As we moved in front of the Zhos day after day, shooting, running, laying an ambush, running, it was Allen that kept us together. If I was losing it – and there were times I was losing it- I couldn't, I couldn't get my mind operational again. Y’know he'd shake me and it was like he was the fucking team leader, y’know? He'd pull me back to reality. "We got to move on, c’mon." Y’know, "we got to get going." He watched over us like we were his kids….

We had a good fighting position when the Zhos began dropping around our squad that day. I was firing the LMG and Allen was working as my loader. I remember seeing the heavy tracer fire, like a cloud of fireflies in front of us. Everything was in slow motion. There was a whump as something went off near me. Then an end link jammed in the gun. I looked right, and Allen was gone. There was the fire and the smell. I can never forget the smell. He was the best of us and he was gone.

The rest of the squad saw what happened to him too. Everyone was so shocked, all the firing from our squad stopped. We were about to be over run. But after what happened to Allen right next to me, I knew they couldn't kill me. I went crazy.

I remember coming up to my feet. I felt like an angry god. There was this power flowing through me. They said later that they could see the bullets hitting my vest, tearing through my pants legs. I threw off my helmet and vest. I was invincible as I charged out of the fighting position firing my ACR and then my pistols. I was an animal. I lost all my mercy. I couldn't get enough. Each fucking one that died I said, "here's another one for you Allen."

I don't remember how it ended that day. I don't even remember what happened to the rest of the squad. The citation said that when the pick up came I was down to my knife. They don't say what I was doing with the knife. It must have been bad. They had to tie me up before they could get me onto the boat to lift. I'm sure I would have killed anything I could reach then.

I died that day with Allen, or at least the good in me did. They gave me a SEH. But it wont bring Allen or the others back. After that I didn't care if I lived or died. I just wanted revenge. I didn't even care what happened to the guys around me as long as I could kill Zhos. In my wildest thoughts I never expected or wanted to return home alive, and emotionally I never have.

They took my life. They took Allen, who was closer to me than my brother. Somebody had to pay them back for that. And it was me, because it was my life. I couldn't get enough. I could have killed ten Zhos a day with my bare hands and it still wouldn't have been enough.

But once you've been there, berserk, you'll probably be liable to it all your life. That wasn't the last time the red mist has crowded out my vision. Over the years, I've learned to save it for the field, but even so, don't get too close. And remember, you can't go back.